Soul Tie, Attachment and Trauma Bond all at the same time.

It's an incredibly complex and often painful experience to find yourself in a relationship where a soul tie, a trauma bond, and a deep attachment all seem to be at play simultaneously. Each of these concepts describes a powerful form of connection, but when they intertwine, they create a confusing and contradictory emotional landscape that can feel impossible to escape. The longer I do this work I find this dynamic present more and more.  One of the root causes besides the obvious trauma, is a lack of the person knowing their genuine selves and their value and worth. 

A basic attachment is the foundational human need for connection and security. It's the psychological glue that bonds us to others, often formed early in life through our caregivers. In a relationship, this attachment is the part of you that simply wants closeness, safety, and belonging. It's the yearning for a home with another person, a desire that is both natural and deeply ingrained. 

When a relationship is toxic, this healthy, fundamental need can be exploited, making it even harder to let go because your most basic instinct for connection is tied to a person who is also causing you harm. 

A soul tie is often described as a spiritual or fated connection. It feels as if your souls are deeply intertwined, and you are destined to be together. This bond goes beyond logic; it can feel like you've known this person across lifetimes or that they are your other half. When you're in a trauma-filled relationship, the soul tie can be the most confusing and painful element. It’s the part that tells you, "This person is my soul mate, my destiny, my purpose," even when every logical part of your mind is screaming, "Run!" This spiritual-level pull can make the intense pain of the relationship feel like a test or a necessary part of a grander, cosmic journey. 

Finally, the trauma bond is the deeply unhealthy and psychologically addictive component. This bond forms in cycles of abuse, where an abuser creates a powerful push-and-pull dynamic. After a period of cruelty or neglect, they offer moments of intense kindness, validation, or affection. This intermittent reinforcement creates a powerful emotional addiction, much like a gambling addiction, where you're constantly chasing the "good" moments and hoping they will return. 

The trauma bond keeps you locked in a cycle of pain and hope, constantly rationalizing the bad behavior and holding onto the fleeting moments of kindness as proof that the relationship is worth fighting for. It’s a survival mechanism that has been twisted into a form of loyalty.

When you experience all three at once, you are in a state of profound internal conflict. Your natural human need for attachment is met with a person who intermittently provides it, keeping you hooked. The soul tie convinces you that this painful journey is ordained and meaningful. And the trauma bond creates a psychological dependency, making it feel like a withdrawal every time you try to leave. The result is a powerful sense of being "stuck"—your mind knows it's wrong, your heart feels an unbreakable connection, and your body is psychologically addicted. Untangling these three bonds is a long and difficult process, but understanding their separate roles is the first step toward healing and finding true freedom.

This is where “doing the work” becomes crucial. You must realize what’s happening and determine to end the cycles or potentially face literally a lifetime of misery and pain chasing the dangling carrot in front of you.  Coping and hoping.  

If you stop lying to yourself and get to the roots you can have a brand new life. The Bible tells us that we are new creations in Christ.  But we need to be transformed by the renewal of our minds.  Don’t wait any longer.  Start your process now!

BH/Gemini